Introduction
While you can always use Weasel's chai recipe if you are near a grocery with the right ingredients and have his excellent recipe, sometimes you are on the road or out on the town and need that chai pick-me-up. This guide will tell you the best options out there.

Concentrate
You can basically choose between two commercial offerings for chai "concentrate". Remember, concentrate is simply a thick liquid intended for mixing with water or milk to make instant chai. Your choices depend on whether you are having chai using the traditional hot way, or iced in the non-traditional heathen way (which I personally prefer).

If you're looking for traditional hot chai, I recommend using Tazo Chai concentrate. While not as strong as some recipes, it is easy to make. I'd personally recommend not using the half and half method (half concentrate, half milk) and go for more concentrate for something a bit stronger. Simply mix and nuke it in the microwave.

For iced chai, use Oregon Chai, but use the one specifically for iced tea. Again, for stronger chai use more concentrate than milk. The Oergon Chai is a bit stronger than most concentrates, and iced chai makes for a great pick-me-up after sex (viewing porn online), work (writing 0day), or play (using 0day).

With both concentrates, you can go without milk and use water. The advantage to this is the milk tends to "blur" the intensity of the spices, so go water only for a nice spice head rush. Mmmm.... chai head rush....

You can get the concentrates at places like Whole Foods or World Market, although some mainstream grocery stores may carry it and stock on the "foreigner's aisle" (you know, where they put all the weird ethnic stuff together on one aisle at the grocery store because the grocers are freaked out by foreigners living in their mainstream suburban areas). Some of the stuff appears in specialty shops, like the Tazo products that you can pick up at Starbucks. Avoid this if possible -- Starbucks will charge you a fortune for Tazo concentrate. If you're going on a trip, buy a box or two, and fit those into your laptop bag. I mean, check your clothes if you have to, you can drink chai during that million year wait at baggage claim -- it's fucking chai, dude. Take the extra effort.

Starbucks
Starbucks gets their own special category in this guide, simply because you have to understand a thing or two about Starbucks. While they state they use Tazo Chai, and they have Tazo Chai concentrate for sale, it is not the same as the stuff behind the counter! That's right, the boxed Tazo Chai concentrate for sale is what they refer to as the "retail" chai, and they'll only use it if they run out of the good stuff. And it is better.

Having looked at an ingredients list from both a box of the "retail" stuff and the concentrate from behind the counter, there is no change in the order of ingredients. This means they are the same -- except for one thing. The amount of water. The stuff behind the counter has less water. In other words, the Starbucks barrista can make your chai as weak or as strong as you desire, while the "retail" stuff is more or less premixed. The problem is the "retail" stuff isn't strong enough because it is already heavily diluted.

So even at Starbucks, you can modify your cup to make it even more intense. First off, order nothing but a venti. Anything smaller is like looking at the ladies' underwear section of the Sears catalog when a Playboy is at hand. Don't be a wuss. Second, they will make it iced on request, so if it is a hot day and you don't feel like large pit stains (like Ira Winkler on the panel at RSA 2003 in San Fran, ugh), get it iced. Third, the standard recipe (hot or iced) calls for six pumps for a venti from the concentrate they use. Only a script kiddie drinks Starbucks chai with the standard six pumps. Use eight if you're going to order anything at all, ten if you're in serious need of an intense spice rush.

Of course the all-out gonzo way endorsed by yours truly is a twelve pump venti iced chai with no milk. They will question you when you order it this way, mainly over the no milk part. Explain you want no milk, and no soy either, just add water when they would normally add milk. No milk means less between you and the spices, and twelve pumps of the concentrate is enough to just about kill a small child. Now while this may seem like a lot to ask of your typical coffee jerk at Starbucks, remember this is one of the easiest and quickest things for them to make, and if they are still resistant, a dollar tip in the tip jar will certainly cinch the deal. After a few trips to your favorite Starbucks (or a few days in a row at that Starbucks near your hotel during that out-of-town consulting gig), they will remember your order and your tip jar action, and half the time you'll find it ready and in your hand before you get your change.

And now the question several people have been asking me about in email, which is "How do I get a box of the 'good stuff'?" There are a couple of approaches you can take:

• Social engineer some out of the Tazo Chai company. No idea how to pull this one off (since it hasn't come to that for me yet), but a resourceful hacker should be able to manage.
• Steal or purchase it as an employee. Employees can buy stuff at a discount, so become a part-time employee for the sole purpose of buying (or stealing) the good stuff.
• Make a deal with an employee. This is perhaps the easiest way. Become friendly with an employee, always tip well (at least a dollar or two) every visit, and hit up that employee who could give a shit about Starbuck corporate policies to let you buy a retail box but trade you out for a box of the good stuff. For this to work it helps to have more than one location providing you the stuff, since if you are seriously addicted this can draw attention to depleted stock and get your supplier busted.