Simple Nomad's Blog
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21Apr2006 - Shock the Monkey
So I'm just back from another fun trip to the SJC area to visit work. It is a lot of meetings, but fortunately a lot of meetings end early and a lot of it is technical, so at least I have to think.
And as usual you have these odd conversations at times, and hear really interesting stories. It is especially prevalent in a diverse environment where everyone is from a different part of the planet, a different religion, and a different color with completely different values and beliefs. But even so you occasionally hear a story that seems to transcend all boundaries. A story you will never forget. Ever. I heard such a story on this trip.
A small group of us were out to eat with the boss, and we were playing a version of an old game called Weird Food I've Eaten. We were doing this at lunch of course. I had eaten a few things odd, at least for them, including squirrel, boar, and even alligator. I should have said that I'd eaten hot dogs before, because really no one knows what kind of shit is in hot dogs. I mean, I think what they do is remove a cow's meat, and everything left that is reasonably squishy becomes the main filler in hot dogs. But I digress.
This version of Weird Food I've Eaten turned into Weird Food I'd Eat. Kind of a strange version of truth or dare. Which is funny when you consider I'm at a table with some wicked smart engineers (nerds) who could easily argue about whether copper or gold could create latency if used as contacts in high speed router circuitry. And I thought my boss was starting to get a little squeamish with comments like "guys, we ARE at lunch". But then he told the weirdest food story I'd ever heard.
It seems a friend of his was traveling in Southeast Asia, and went out to dinner with one of the locals that happened to be a good friend. To celebrate they decided to have some of the local faves. So at a local restaurant, the cook brings out a tray that had 10 monkey heads on it. I'll let that sink it. Yes, 10 monkey heads. The cook wanted them to pick out a monkey head for dinner.
Of course this begs the question, how do you tell which monkey head is going to be the tastiest? The question apparently came up, and so my boss' friend deferred to the local's technique, which was to check the eyes (btw if you've read this far and are starting to get really grossed out, I suggest you stop reading at this point). The local would grab the eyelid, as in with his fingers, and examine the eye of the monkey. Apparently what you are looking for is freshness, and I am assuming the more lifelike the eye, the less time the head had spent apart from the monkey body, hence fresh monkey head. I would have guessed that you'd thump the top of the skull with your finger, you know, like you're checking for a good melon, but then I guess I am just culturally backwards or something.
So the rest of the heads are taken away, and then the cook takes a machette and splits the monkey head like a coconut. In front of them. The brains are scooped out, and stir-fried as you watch. Kind of an odd marriage of Benihana and Indianna Jones and the Temple of Doom. By all accounts, a good selection was made, and it was tasty fresh monkey brain for all.
Now as one might guess, the story ended with an unasked question -- would you eat monkey brain? I think I could do so, simply based on the fact that I've eaten hot dogs. But it is the presentation that would disturb me. Especially the eye thing. I mean, you're in Asia, you don't want to look the fool and not check the eyes -- why you could be insulting the cook or something, right? Or what if you'd met some hot Asian girl, and she's looking at you admirably to make the proper selection, because you are a man of refinement, aren't you? You want that first date to be magical and nothing says "I am great in bed" like proper monkey head selection. Am I right or what?
Like I said, this was one of those weird stories that I will never forget. And it is the reason why I can't wait to have a ton of grandkids, so I can hear "Grandpa, tell us the story about the monkey heads again!" and I ruin yet another Thanksgiving meal for everyone within earshot.